My dear patients...

He was in his 80's. Prostate cancer spreading to his bones as it so often does. Stripping away his muscles, his appetite, his ability to take care of his wife or even walk to the toilet. It was not taking away his ability to lament about his worrisome wife. He laid in bed, staring out the window as he went on about how she worried too much and made a big deal about nothing. "If I wake up with a stomach-ache she asks if she should call the doctor or do I want to go to the emergency room. NO! I just want some ginger tea! If I say the car is working fine, she worries about what if we get a flat tire tomorrow?!"

We talked about how all he really wants is for her to be happy and not worry. He almost tears up when we mention wanting his dear wife of 40-something years, to just be happy. That's all he's ever wanted for her.

"I tell her all you have to do is change how you are thinking! It's that simple!"

I just had to laugh. It's just that simple according to any 20, 40, or 80 year old MAN.
I asked him if he's talked about this with her lately.

"Yeah, yeah, I've been talking for 40 years!"
All I could think to say was maybe not the most sympathetic, but it was as frank as he was... "Well, you picked her."

He looks up at me and says, "Yeah, I picked her. Don't get me wrong, we are still in love. That doesn't mean it's any fun."

He was so funny in the midst of his venting and frustration. He was a dear old man, in his final weeks of life, still reaching out, dealing & processing his life. It was an honor to talk with him.